


Nuclear Winter

by lifeinskinnyjeans



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Virmire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 14:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeinskinnyjeans/pseuds/lifeinskinnyjeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2nd Lieutenant Katanya Striker and 1st Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko have been inseparable since Katanya's arrival on the SSV Normandy.  They always said that nothing could tear them apart, but they were wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nuclear Winter

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Distraction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/480506) by [casecous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/casecous/pseuds/casecous). 



"Lieutenant?" 2nd Lieutenant Katanya Striker looked up from the ground at the man slowly walking toward her. She smiled at him. "What are you doing back here?" he asked, returning her smile.

She shrugged a shoulder casually. "I just needed some quiet."

1st Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko gave Katanya a confused look. "You okay?"

Katanya flashed Kaidan a brief smile and nodded. "Yeah." She looked back down at the ground and hoped he would just walk away, satisfied with that answer, but she knew him too well and knew he would never do that. He never had, not even when she had first arrived on the ship and he had found her hiding out in the med bay. And that was completely on accident. That memory still sticks in her head as the day when she knew her and Kaidan were going to be the best of friends. The way he was so sympathetic and understanding, so willing to listen to her as she basically poured her feelings out to a complete stranger. Then they exchanged names and hugs before walking into the mess hall where they proceeded to talk about everything under the sun.

"Bullshit," Kaidan said, alerting Katanya to the fact that he was still standing right in front of her.

Katanya smiled sadly at him. "I hate that you know me so well sometimes."

Kaidan smiled back at her, the sadness not so evident on his face, but Katanya still knew it was there. "Missing Earth again?"

Katanya sighed and looked away from him, back at the ground. She shrugged just enough that Kaidan would see her shoulders moving. "Yeah," she muttered.

Kaidan put a hand on her shoulder. Katanya looked up at him. "You know you can talk to me about anything."

She nodded. "I know. We have before. But isn't everyone allowed days when they get a little homesick?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I suppose, and I know we've talked about this before. But every time is different."

"Do you think Commander Shepard has days like this?"

"Who knows. But you're not Commander Shepard. You didn't come from the same place he did. You don't have the same past as him."

Katanya glanced away from him and shrugged more firmly. "I just dunno sometimes."

Kaidan brushed some of her brown-blonde hair out of her face. "I think we all have those moments. I think everyone does, human or alien. Those moments of complete and utter panic where we think 'Is this really what I want? Have I made all the right choices to put myself on the path that I want to be on?'" Kaidan placed his other hand on Katanya's other shoulder and looked her straight in the eye. "And then we calm down. Those moments never last more than just a few moments. And we realize that everything we've done is exactly what we've always wanted, even if we have made a few mistakes." He paused to take a breath. "And then sometimes, like this doesn't happen very often, but sometimes we see the next choice we want to make. And then it makes us smile because we know exactly how to make that choice."

Katanya grinned up at Kaidan and embraced him. "Thanks, Kaidan. You always know how to make me feel better." She tried to pull back from the embrace, but it only made Kaidan hug her tighter. Katanya giggled and told Kaidan to let her go. His response was to hold her tighter and tighter until she was squealing and slapping on his back to let her go. When he finally did, she punched him in the arm. "You asshole."

Kaidan laughed and pushed on Katanya's left shoulder. She stumbled backwards and then caught herself, as always when Kaidan would push on her shoulder. He was a gentleman enough to not punch her back, although she wouldn't mind if he ever had. When she first joined the Alliance, the other marines were always telling her that she needed to toughen up if she was ever going to be promoted, let alone recruited on a starship. _Well look at me now_ , she thought. _I'm 2nd Lieutenant of the SSV Normandy, under Commander Shepard. He's a huge war hero. If that's not better than any of them have done, I'll be damned._ "You hungry?" Kaidan asked.

Katanya chuckled at him. "I could eat, why?"

"Because I'm starving," Kaidan asnwered.

"You're always hungry."

Kaidan just shrugged. "Yeah. Come on!"

He turned and broke into a brisk walk through the corridors of the Normandy's first deck. Katanya had a hard time keeping up with him, as she always did. There was something she would never admit to Kaidan, and that was that she thinks about him more often than she even admits to herself when she finds somewhere to be alone. Even when she's not alone, she finds her mind drifting to Kaidan; what he's doing, where he is, what he's thinking...if he's thinking about her as much as she's thinking about him. It made her feel like a fourteen-year-old girl, and she hated that, but she couldn't deny that she had grown quite attracted to the 1st Lieutenant the more time she had been spending with him. The whole crew knew that she and Kaidan were best friends and practically inseparable, even Shepard knew that, although it had taken him the mission on Eden Prime for him to really realize it. Katanya hadn't gone on the mission, but Kaidan did, and Jenkins was killed. She remembered thinking that if Jenkins was killed, so Kaidan could be, but then he and Shepard had picked up Chief Ashley Williams, and Katanya and Ashley had hit it off pretty much right away. The two remained good friends to this day. Katanya cherished the girl talks they shared with each other on a weekly basis. Ashley was the only one who knew that Katanya was attracted to Kaidan.

"Kat?" She heard Kaidan calling her name, and then realized she had slowed down significantly and had almost come to a stop. Kaidan had walked at least fifteen feet in front of her and had to double back to talk to her. "You alright?"

It took Katanya a few seconds to collect herself and smile up at him. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"You were practically stopped fifteen feet behind me, Kat. You're thinking about something. Something huge."

 _Shit. You were really obvious. And now Kaidan's noticing._  Katanya took a deep breath. _It's now or never, I guess._  She opened her mouth to start speaking and then closed it again, unsure of what to say and where to begin.

Kaidan placed both his hands on her shoulders and took a few steps closer to her. "Kat. What's bothering you so much?" His carefree and happy face had faded away to be replaced by one that was concerned and confused. Katanya didn't see the emotions as much in his gold-brown eyes as she felt them in the muscular hands and arms that were gripping her shoulders.

"I..." she started.

"Kat, you're starting to worry me." Kaidan took Katanya's hand and led her to one of the beds in the med bay. He pushed on her shoulders and sat her down. She pulled her legs up under her in a pretzel fashion while Kaidan climbed up right across from her. He folded one leg underneath him and stuck the other one out next to her. "Do you mind?" he asked.

"No," Katanya answered quickly.

Kaidan smiled briefly. "I didn't think you would." He paused. "So what were you trying to say before?"

Katanya took a deep breath before beginning to speak. She figured she would just start talking and let the words come out. It was a better idea than thinking about them. Thinking about what she said might get her in more trouble than it was worth. Looking down at her thumbs, she began to twiddle them together, her long nails clicking against each other as her thumbs worked. "Do you remember when I came on the ship?" she asked, looking back up at Kaidan.

He smiled again, this time much longer. "Yeah, of course."

"You were the first person who came up to me after I had met the whole crew. I remember. Commander Shepard led me on the ship, talking about how happy he was to have a second Lieutenant, and how well I was going to get along with the crew. And there everyone was, smiling and shaking my hand, and calling me Lieutenant. I remember thinking that Shepard would have told them all about me, so of course they would all know who I was and what my rank was. I remember thinking that maybe Shepard was right, I would fit in just fine here. You didn't disperse right away as everyone else did; you actually walked up to me and personally introduced yourself, even thought Commander Shepard had just told me who you were. It was like you knew that I wasn't going to remember everyone's names, and since I was going to be working with you, it would be best if I remembered your name and your face. And God, did you make an impression." Katanya smiled and glanced down. "You were sweet and genuine right from the beginning. You had a firm handshake and a beautiful smile. Your eyes didn't convey as much expression as your body language did, so I made a mental note to myself to remember to read your body language rather than your eyes in the future.

"And then you found me here in the med bay a few days after I had arrived on the ship. I was looking for quiet and you asked what was wrong. I didn't want to talk, but then I remembered how nice to me you were when I first set foot on this ship, how sweet you were and how genuinely interested you seemed in knowing a bit more about me. And I knew it would do to be friends with my first Lieutenant, so we talked. Really, it was much more of me pouring out my heart to a practical stranger. And you were so nice! You were so sympathetic! _You understood what I was talking about and what I was going through!_  That was when I knew you and I were going to be the closest friends." Kaidan smiled. Katanya put a hand on the leg that was stretched out next to her. Kaidan watched her thoughtfully. "And you've been such a great friend to me. I feel like I'm eight years old again and doing everything with my best friend at my side." Katanya began to laugh. "But I'm not. I'm twenty-six and I have a whole life of service in the Alliance military ahead of me. And I get to start out on this ship with a crew that includes some of the most genuine people I have ever met. And you, Kaidan, are no exception. Hell, you have exceeded my expectations for what the crew was going to be like on this ship, and -"

"Kat, shut up," Kaidan cut her off. She hadn't even noticed how his leg had moved out from under her hand and how he had moved closer to her in her rambling. "I get it. And I really want to kiss you, so I'm just gonna keep this short. You are the most beautiful woman I have met in a very long time. I didn't think I would ever see anyone as beautiful as you while I was going to be on this ship, and I was so excited when I saw you step in with Commander Shepard. That's why I went up to you as everyone else left. I wanted to be around you night and day, and that feeling has never gone away. I could go on, but I said I was gonna keep this short because I really want to kiss you, so that's what I'm gonna do." Folding his knees underneath him, Kaidan took Katanya's face in both of his hands and leaned forward to press his lips to hers. She returned his kiss almost immediately, her legs wrapping around his waist. His arms latched together across her back and he brought her closer to him, their tongues searching the other for someplace left unexplored.

This continued for the better part of an hour. Katanya was lying on top of Kaidan. His hands were up the back of her shirt and her hands were tangled in his thick, dark hair. His hands were rough against the skin of her lower back, but she enjoyed the feel of it. Kaidan pulled away from her and she raised an eyebrow at him. "How far is this going?" he asked.

Katanya bit her lip. "How far did you want it go?" She knew it wouldn't do to try and puff up her courage at this point, so she tried to completely disregard the enormous amount of hesitation in her voice.

Kaidan smiled at her. "However far you want it to go."

Katanya returned his smile. "Always the gentleman, aren't you, Kaidan?"

Kaidan's smile widened. "Always."

Katanya leaned back down and kissed Kaidan again. "I'm glad this happened."

Kaidan chuckled. "I get the sense that you mean that in a 'finally' kind of way."

"A little bit." Katanya laughed.

Kaidan joined in, and then kissed her again for another couple minutes. "There's not really a private place for us here, Kat. Like anywhere on this ship."

Katanya raised her eyebrows. "Bit forward, don't you think?" Kaidan rolled his eyes. "I thought I was the one in control here."

"I was just being a gentleman, Kat. I'm the 1st Lieutenant, and you're the 2nd. I'm above you."

"Actually I am."

"Smartass." Katanya leaned down to kiss him again. "But you're gorgeous, so you get away with it."

"We should probably get back to the nav deck. I think Shepard might be looking for us."

"He can come find us if he needs us."

"That's very irresponsible, 1st Lieutenant."

"It's not like you can do anything about it, 2nd Lieutenant. I outrank you."

Katanya straightened her elbows out next to Kaidan's head, propping herself up further. "By one rank!"

"So? I still outrank you."

Katanya just rolled her eyes, bent her elbows to kiss Kaidan one last time, and meant to sit up entirely, but Kaidan wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her back down, unwilling to let her go. "Kaidan!" she squealed. "Let go!" He just smiled and began kissing her around her protests.

"Lieutenants?" Both Kaidan and Katanya looked up to the voice that had called to them. It was Doctor Chakwas.

Katanya pushed herself up and off of Kaidan, hopping off onto the ground. Kaidan merely sat up on the bed and turned his attention to the doctor. "Yes, Doctor?" Katanya asked.

"Commander Shepard requests the presence of both of you in the comm room."

"We're on our way, Doctor," Kaidan said, hopping off the bed opposite to Katanya.

The pair of Lieutenants made their way to the upper deck of the Normandy and through to the comm room. Commander Shepard, Ashley, Liara, Wrex, Garrus, and Tali were all sat in the traditional circle. Kaidan took his seat next to Shepard and Katanya took her seat next to Ashley. "I have just received a call from the Council. They told me about a salarian STG group on the planet Virmire that they'd like us to go find. I was told they have some information on Saren we'd like to hear. The salarian group tried to send the Council a trasmission, but it was inaudible, mostly static. The Council is afraid that something's happened to the group, and has asked me to go find them."

"So we're headed to Virmire then, Commander?" Kaidan asked.

"Correct, Alenko. Joker has us en route. Alenko and Striker, you'll be in the ground squad with me. You'll need to suit up, grab your weapons, and meet by the airlock. As for the rest of you, I'm not sure what kind of trouble we'll be facing down there, so suit up and keep on standby. We might be needing more than just my ground squad. Everyone clear?"

"Yes, Commander," the room echoed.

"Uh, Commander?" Joker's voice rang through the room on the comm.

"Yeah, Joker?" Shepard answered.

"We've got a bit of a problem."

"What is it?"

"There must be a base down there or something, because there are two huge AA guns on the radar that could rip right through this ship. I'll get in as low as I can, but we need to drop you and the ground team in the Mako, and you and your team need to get in there and disable those guns so I can land this thing."

"Got it, Joker." Shepard looked back at the crew seated in the comm room, specifically Katanya and Kaidan. "You heard him. Meet in the cargo bay after you suit up. The rest of you are still on standby. Crew, dismissed!"

Everyone rose from their seats and left the comm room. Ashley and Liara went off to find their combat armor, while Garrus, Wrex, and Tali headed out to the nav deck since they never left their armor. Katanya and Kaidan were headed the same direction as Ashley and Liara, and then headed down to the cargo bay to meet Shepard at the Mako. He was already there when they arrived, his helmet under his arm as the two Lieutenants walked in with stolid faces. "We should be just a few seconds from the drop point. Climb in, Lieutenants."

"Yes, Commander," the pair said. Kaidan boosted Katanya in, and then the two waited for Commander Shepard.

"Ground squad is ready for drop, Joker," the Commander said into his comm unit.

"Aye, aye, Commander." The cargo bay door then opened and the Mako dropped out of the Normandy. The rocket thrusters kicked in to give a smoother landing, and a few seconds later, the car thudded onto the surface. Katanya looked out of one of the many small windows and saw water and rocks, surrounded by stormy sky riddled with flashes of lightning. The Mako began it's rocky trip to the first AA tower. "Alenko, on the gun. Striker, on radar. Let us know when we're gonna be hitting trouble."

"Yessir," Katanya answered, taking the few steps to the radar screen and scanning it every few seconds for any signs of danger. It was a few minutes before any blips showed up. "Commander, there's a couple spots on the radar."

"How far?" Shepard asked.

"Three hundred meters and we're closing in on them."

"Alenko, ready on the gun."

"Yes, Commander." The sound of machine gun fire was muffed by the thick shields of the Mako. The car rocked as it was hit by fire from the enemy.

"What's out there, Commander?" Katanya asked, not taking her eyes off the radar screen.

"Geth, Striker. Just more geth." The Mako rocked forward as Shepard stepped and let off the gas to keep them all out of the most trouble while fighting the Geth troopers and armatures they encountered. When they reached the first building, the gate was up. "Get ready, crew. We need to head in to open that gate," Shepard said. The three climbed out of the Mako and pulled out their weapons. Shepard and Katanya with their assault rifles, Kaidan with his pistol. Katanya had asked him after their second mission together if the pistol was the only weapon he was trained to use, and he answered yes. She had offered to teach him how to handle other weapons, like the assault rifle or the shotgun, but Kaidan politely refused, telling Katanya that his biotics were his real weapon. Then he winked at her and she just smiled at him.

They cautiously walked up to the gatehouse, constantly on the lookout for possible enemies, like geth, or anything else. Shepard was walking in front, as always, with Kaidan walking behind on his left, Katanya on his right. They encountered a set of three or four troopers in the gatehouse, but they were relatively easy to take down. Katanya's weapon was still cold. Shepard found the gate controls, raised the gate, and the three went back down to tha Mako, still wary of any other lurking geth. Kaidan boosted Katanya back in, and the two were followed by Commander Shepard. Shepard resumed his post at the controls, Kaidan at the gun, and Katanya at the radar screen. There was another gatehouse, patrolled by more geth, which Kaidan was able to take out with the Mako's machine gun, and the rest by Shepard, Kaidan, and Katanya on foot.

There was a geth colossus guarding either side of the approach to the AA tower, a hulking mass of metal that Katanya was a little surprised was able to even move as well as it did. Both were taken out by Kaidan on the machine gun and the grenade launcher. Shepard, Kaidan and Katanya filed back out of the Mako and approached the AA tower, which was filled with patrolling geth of all kinds. Kaidan almost fell, but Shepard was astute and got in use of his Medi-Gel. The guns were disabled, and Joker relayed this to Shepard. After a short conversation, the trio climbed back into the Mako. "Was that the last of them, Commander?" Kaidan asked.

"Should be, Lieutenant. We're just on the way to the salarian camp now. Striker!"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Are you seeing anything on the radar?"

Katanya scanned the screen. "Yessir, I'm seeing some friendly targets just appearing on the radar. Three hundred meters to the northwest." Shepard merely nodded.

When they arrived at the camp, the three jumped out of the Mako and walked up to whom Shepard assumed was the leader of the salarians camped out there. Katanya also saw Ashley, Wrex, Garrus, Tali, and Liara at different points throughout the camp, talking either with each other or the other salarians in the camp. "Are you the one in charge here?" Shepard asked the salarian they had approached. Katanya turned her attention back to what Shepard was saying to the salarian in front of them.

"Commander Shepard, my name is Captain Kirrahe. I was in charge of the salarian STG group here, until Saren set up a base."

"Saren? He's here?" Kaidan asked.

Kirrahe glanced over at Kaidan, but didn't acknowledge what he had said. Turning back to Shepard, he said, "We've been waiting for reinforcements from the Council, but they still haven't come."

"We're the reinforcements," Shepard said.

"You? A simple ground team and a mismatched group of aliens? I sent a transmission to the Council weeks ago!" The captain seemed angry. It was hard to tell from the big black eyes.

"It was fuzzy and impossible to understand. The Council sent me to find if you were all still here. They were afraid something had happened to you."

"Well, we have been invaded by a huge geth base since Saren set up shop here, but the AA guns had been able to keep away any fly-by ships. Now since you've disabled them, you've alerted every geth within ten miles of your presence. Saren knows you're here now."

"Tell me everything you know about Saren's base," Shepard said.

"He's been using it as a krogan breeding ground. He found a cure for the genophage."

"A cure for the genophage?" Wrex's booming voice came through their ears.

"Yes," the captain confirmed. "He's been breeding a krogan army to use against us. We've been planning an attack for quite a while now, but we've been waiting for the Council's reinforcements to actually launch the attack."

"This could be huge," Wrex commented, probably more to himself than to anyone standing around him.

"The krogan aren't the biggest problem," the captain said, turning to Wrex. "Our problem is Saren and the geth. They're disturbing our operations here, and we need them gone." Captain Kirrahe turned back to Commander Shepard. "We have three teams set for attack of the base. Aegohr, Mannovai, and Jaeto. Commander, your team will be Shadow team, the one that goes into the base."

"What do the names mean?" Katanya asked.

Captain Kirrahe turned his attention to her. "They were the names of our first settlements."

"What's the plan, captain?" Shepard asked.

The captain turned his attention back to the Commander. "Well, we can turn the drive core of our ship into a twenty-kiloton bomb, but none of us can carry anything that heavy. Your ship has the capacity to carry the bomb to the center of the base, but this requires your team to successfully infiltrate the base and kill all the geth inside. You'll also have to figure out how to destroy the genophage as well -"

Wrex cuts the captain off. "Destroy the genophage?" His voice is rough, like tree bark, and his scaly face is directly in front of the salarian's. The captain doesn't flinch, but watches as Wrex storms off to the edge of the beach.

"I do not trust that krogan, Commander. He is a possible threat to the mission. You must talk him down if we are to continue." Commander Shepard nods at him and turns toward Wrex. Kaidan and Katanya follow him, but stay a good six feet away from him as he approaches Wrex. The pair of Lieutenants watch carefully as Shepard tries to reason with the krogan, and after a few minutes, Wrex draws his gun on Shepard. Shepard draws his gun in immediate response, and so do Kaidan and Katanya, ready to assist their Commander, but the two holster their weapons. No shots were fired, and Wrex seemed at ease about Captain Kirrahe destroying the genophage. At least, as at ease as a krogan gets. Wrex stayed by the edge of the beach, but Commander Shepard walked back to the two Lieutenants. He walked past them and back up to Captain Kirrahe. He looked over at Wrex and the back at the Commander. "I have not yet seen a krogan see reason, Commander. He must be very loyal to you." Settling himself, the captain looked solemn. "I'll need one of your people to stay with the bomb on your ship and see its safe arrival at the landing site in the base. The other will lead one of the salarian attack teams. Our numbers have been thinned significantly from the geth attacks."

"It would be an honor to serve this cause, Commander," Kaidan piped up.

"I would be more than happy with this responsibility, Commander," Ashley cut in. Katanya didn't even realize Ashley had been standing next to her. She supposed she was just so focused on the task at hand that she didn't hear Ashley walk across the sand to where they were standing.

"It's your choice, Commander," Captain Kirrahe said.

There was a moment in which Katanya was sure the Commander was thinking about which to send, and she found herself hoping that it was going to be Ashley, but it dawned on her that it didn't matter which person Shepard sent out. Either way, she wasn't going to be fighting with Kaidan, and that was only if Commander Shepard chose to keep her for the ground team going into the base itself. "Alenko, with the captain. Striker, you're staying with me on Shadow team."

"Yes, Commander," Kaidan said.

"Understood, Commander," Katanya said. She shot Kaidan a worried look and the look he returned read 'We'll talk later.' She nodded discreetly at him and looked back forward to what Commander Shepard was doing.

"Are you ready, Commander?" Captain Kirrahe asked.

Shepard turned to Katanya. "Go round up the crew. This is a full frontal assault."

"Yessir." Soon, every salarian left in the camp was lined up before Captain Kirrahe, and the small crew of the Normandy was assembled behind Kirrahe, in the small tent he was standing in when the three had arrived. Shepard had chosen Wrex as his other squad member for Shadow team, and him, Shepard, and Katanya were standing behind the captain as he rallied his team for battle.

"You all know the mission, and what is at stake," Captain Kirrahe began. "I have come to trust each of you with my life - but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are. Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers! Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line! Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!" The salarians in line in front of the captain cheered, and even Kaidan and Katanya felt a new sense of encouragement and willingness to dive headfirst into the battle ahead.

Ashley was in charge of Aegohr team, while the salarians themselves were manning Jaeto team, and Captain Kirrahe himself was leading Mannovai team. "Shepard."

"Kirrahe." The human and the salarian nodded respectfully at the other before Shepard led Katanya and Wrex into the base, while Kirrahe was leading his men into a slaughter. "Move out," Shepard murmured to Wrex and Katanya while the salarians split up into their respective teams.

Weapons out, Shepard, Wrex, and Katanya quickly and quietly entered the back of the base. "Comm check, Commander. We would appreciate any help in slowing the geth defenses." Kirrahe's voice was tinny over the comm.

"You heard the captain," Shepard said.

"Yessir," Katanya said. Wrex didn't reply. Katanya didn't expect him to. She didn't know him that well, but she had heard about him from Kaidan after Shepard had returned to the Normandy as the commanding officer with a turian, a quarian, and a krogan. Katanya had never seen a quarian before, and tried with varying degrees of success to not bombard her with five million questions about her species. Even though none of them are that new to the Normandy anymore, Katanya still finds it hard some days to not pelt any of the aliens with questions about their species and their culture. She always had been a culture freak, growing up on Earth and traveling to the numerous countries with her family.

"Commander, up ahead!" Katanya yelled, spotting geth guarding the building in front of them.

The trio took cover behind poles and rocks, strategically shooting down the defending geth. Katanya had always admired Shepard for his collectedness during the heat of the fight; she had always wanted to be that way, but she just couldn't seem to push Kaidan from her mind right now. She should easily be able to because she knew that he was safe on the Normandy and away from the bulk of the fighting. Perhaps it was the fact that he was on the Normandy with a twenty-kiloton bomb that bothered her and kept him on her mind.

"Striker!" Wrex's booming voice yelled. Katanya was just able to duck out of the way of a geth sniper's laser. She fired off a series of shots from her assault rifle, dropping the sniper where he stood.

"Thanks," she called to Wrex once the three of them had picked off all the geth around the building. He merely nodded at her.

They poked around the building for a moment until Katanya had spotted something suspicious. "Commander, I think this is some sort of communications building." Shepard walked over to her and took a look at the computer terminal she had found nestled in a corner of the building.

He pressed a few buttons and the screen showed nothing but static. "Whatever communications the geth had are no longer. Quick eye, Striker."

"Thank you, Commander."

"There's nothing left here for us. Let's keep moving," Shepard called, gesturing for Katanya and Wrex to follow him back down the ramp that led them up there.

Weapons drawn again, the trio continued to stealth along the rock walls just outside the base. The paths they climbed seemed to be carved perfectly by nature. Katanya was unsure that it was nature that carved this intricate tunnels, but that wasn't something to be contemplating at the moment. She was on a mission and couldn't afford to let her guard down even for a second. Even with two other pairs of eyes on the lookout for possible dangers, Katanya's eyes were just as valuable as the other two in the squad to be on the lookout for potential dangers. Aside from that, let your guard down for a second and you could get yourself killed.

"Commander," Wrex's deep voice muttered. Katanya peered up: more geth ahead. Fewer than the other building, but this one had drones guarding the place. And even better, they were rocket drones. It required much coordination and clever cover spots, but the three were able to take down the rocket drones with minor cuts and bruises. The three couldn't figure out what was so important that the geth were guarding in this building, so Shepard called Katanya and Wrex to move on. They were getting close to the base itself.

As the three approached the base, a pair of krogan were stationed at the front. The back of the base was circular and didn't provide much cover, so the trio relied heavily on precise coordination and accurate shooting. It took them longer to take out the krogan than the geth that had been guarding the other buildings, but they eventually moved into the back of the base, where Shepard disabled the alarm system to be able to enter the building itself.

Once inside the building proper, there were rounds of geth to defeat, plus the krogan scientist that was responsible for the cure for the genophage. Wrex made sure he killed that krogan himself, without help from either Shepard or Katanya, and neither of them questioned him. Shepard found an asari hiding behind a desk in an adjacent room.

"Don't shoot, don't shoot! I'm not like the rest!" she squealed from her crouching position.

"Who are you?" Shepard asked, his gun trained on her head. Katanya and Wrex had their guns trained on her as well.

"My name is Rana Thanoptis. I worked for Saren here."

"What did you do here?" Shepard demanded, still not lowering his gun.

"I'm a neuroscientist. I was just working on the research here as everyone else, but then I realized what was happening to everyone."

"What do you mean?"

"It's called indoctrination. It's...like nothing I've ever seen before. It starts out as a voice in the back of your head, telling you to do things. And you do them without knowing why. You can't ignore that little voice as hard as you try. It's always there, always telling you to do certain things, even if you don't want to do them. You have no choice. But it's subtle. You retain most of your own mind, for a little while."

"How long? Have you made an estimate?" Shepard's gun was now trained on Rana's chest instead of her head.

"It's very hard to tell. A few days? A week? I don't know. But after that time, you no longer have control of your mind. That's what happened to the salarians, and the man that was in this position before me. You just obey, you no longer think."

"What does this have to do with Saren?"

"Saren is beginning to think that it's beginning to happen to him. He's afraid."

Shepard finally lowered his gun. "We're looking to bring this building to the ground. You might want to try and get out while you still can."

Rana's eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly. "Oh...Oh God. Here." She handed Shepard what looked like some sort of pass. "This can get you straight into Saren's private lab."

Shepard glanced down at the pass and then back up at Rana. He nodded and then she began to run out of the building. Wrex smirked as she started her way out. Shepard raised an arm and beckoned to Katanya and Wrex. "Move out." The three ran through the entrance to the lab, and exercised extreme caution upon entering.

"Commander!" Katanya called. Shepard looked to her. "There's another beacon here, like the one on Eden Prime." The only reason she knew about the beacon was because of Kaidan. She assumed that's what Shepard thought, too, because he approached the beacon without questioning how she knew what it was.

Shepard walked up to the beacon cautiously. None of them had any idea what was going to happen. Neither Katanya nor Wrex were on the mission to Eden Prime. The Normandy's crew hadn't even met Wrex yet, and Katanya was still new on the ship. Then, Shepard was lifted slightly off his feet and his back arched, like he was in pain. Both Wrex and Katanya had the sense to not go near Shepard in case contact with him hurt him more than he already was, or it hurt them as well, but just then Shepard was released and thudded down onto the metal floor on his hands and knees. He stayed down there for a few moments, and Katanya was about to call to him, but then he stood and gave the beacon a wary look. Kaidan had told Katanya that the beacon on Eden prime had exploded, but it didn't look like this one was going to do anything drastic.

There was a control panel at the end of a metal walkway above them. Commander Shepard walked up to it with Katanya and and Wrex behind him. Katanya was wary of the silence around them, and kept looking around them for any sign of any sort of disturbance.

"You are not Saren." It was a booming, resonating voice, deeper than even Wrex's. All three of the squad members looked up.

"What is that? Some kind of VI interface?" Wrex asked as they approached it.

"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, you touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding." There was a holographic-type red shape in front of them.

"I don't think this is a VI...," Katanya said, staring up in awe at the red holograph-like shape in front of them. She employed her extra mental defenses, feeling extremely wary of the situation.

"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."

"Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found. It's an actual Reaper!" Shepard exclaimed.

"Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply...are."

"The Protheans vanished over fifty thousand years ago," Wrex said. "You couldn't have been there, that's impossible."

"Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident," Sovereign began. Katanya was still having a hard time believing it was actually speaking with them outside the realm of a VI, let alone the fact that it was an actual Reaper. "Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal, the pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."

"Whatever your plan is, it's going to fail. I'll make sure of that." To any other woman, Commander Shepard might seem like a knight in shining armor. To Katanya, he was just her commanding officer. Her mind still hadn't stopped straying back to Kaidan every now and again.

"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."

"Cycle? What cycle?" Katanya asked.

"The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance, and at the apex of their glory they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them - the legacy of my kind."

"Why would you construct the mass relays and then leave them for someone else to find?" Shepard asked.

"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays. Our technology. By using it, your civilization develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic life. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."

"They're harvesting us!" Katanya yelled. "Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out!"

Shepard didn't seem to notice Katanya's outburst. "What do you want from us?" he asked Sovereign. "Slaves, resources?"

"My kind transcends your very understanding," Sovereign began. "We are each a nation - independent, free of all weakness. You cannot grasp the nature of our existence."

"Where did you come from? Who built you?" Shepard pressed on. It was his way, Katanya had noticed.

"We have no beginning. We have no end." The holograph of Sovereign - or whatever it was - didn't seem to notice Commander Shepard's non-sequitur way of conversation. "We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

"Where are the rest of the Reapers? Are you the last of your kind?" Shepard continued to ask.

"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."

"You're not even alive!" Shepard exclaimed, pointing firmly at the holograph. "Not really. You're just a machine, and machines can be broken."

"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over." And with those words, the red holograph disappeared. Commander Shepard turned around to face his squad and Katanya eagerly awaited what he had to say.

"Uh, Commander? We've got a problem." Joker's voice came through the comm.

"What is it?" Shepard asked.

"I don't know what you just did down there, but Saren's ship just pulled a turn that could shear any ship in the Alliance Navy in half. You might want to get moving."

"Thanks for the heads up, Joker." Shepard turned to Katanya and Wrex. "We still have to disable that gun. Let's move." The pair nodded at the commander before they left the small comm base.

There was a strange module just outside the base of the elevator. Shepard went up to investigate it and a husk was embodied in it, like the ones that Katanya had heard about from the mission on Eden Prime. A few seconds later, the husk was released from the module and came at the squad, along with several others from different modules. It was a small firefight, nothing the squad couldn't easily handle. "What? What is this?" a deep voice yelled from across the breeding facility. It has to belong to a krogan, Katanya thought. Krogan were the only creatures she knew with voices that naturally deep.

Sure enough, it was a krogan. A krogan scientist, specifically, probably the one who discovered the cure for the genophage. Katanya thought that was a bit counterproductive, but she could also see how that might motivate the krogan to find the cure for his own species. "No!" the krogan yelled. "This has been my life's work! I will not have the cure for my species destroyed!" A few minutes of assault rifle fire later, the krogan was dead. A gesture from Shepard told Katanya and Wrex to follow him through the facility.

Coming back the way they came, a part of the bridge from before was lowered. A few krogan were seen in the distance. A few tactical moves and a considerable amount of assault rifle fire later, the krogan were taken down. Katanya and Wrex followed Shepard across the bridge and out onto an open platform. It seemed they were close to the AA tower. "Across the bridge, Shepard! Krogan!" Katanya shouted. She had the courtesy to wait until Commander Shepard began to fire his assault rifle before she began firing hers at the krogan. A pair of geth hoppers were jumping around across the bridge, at which Katanya now focused her fire. It took a few moments longer, and the help of Wrex, but the pair of hoppers went down, and her, Wrex, and Shepard began to move along the winding bridge.

Another few geth were hiding behind the crates scattered on the end of the bridge. Shepard, Katanya, and Wrex were able to dispose of them relatively easily. The real challenge was the trio of geth rocket drones around the corner. With smart tactics of dodging behind the corner to avoid the rocket fire and using the lull to shoot at the drones, Shepard and his trio had taken down the three drones. Making sure there were no more geth lurking behind corners, the three ran up the stairs and into the AA tower control room. There was a shot fired at the wall just behind them; Katanya whipped around to see several more geth on the ground where they had just come from and a drone accompanying them. "More geth!" she yelled. "They must have followed us up the elevator!" Fortunately, once Shepard and Wrex had turned around and began firing at the geth, they were taken out fairly easily. Shepard finally walked into the AA tower proper and disabled the controls.

"Good work on the tower, Commander, now it's my turn." Kirrahe's voice came through the comm.

"We need to get to the landing site," Shepard said curtly. The squad nodded at him and they walked to the elevator directly across from the stairs. Unfortunately, there were three geth in the elevator with guns firing. Shepard, Katanya, and Wrex took some initial damage while they retrieved their minds from the slightly rested state, but took out the few geth in a matter of simple minutes. The trio descended in the elevator and came out in what seemed to Katanya like a breeding trench. There were strange pods on both sides of the trench, and the floor was a few inches of standing water.

There were a few geth stalkers jumping around the trench, which were a bit difficult for the three to take out. It was done, though, with a few rounds of taking cover behind the pods to recover shields. In the door across the trench was a whole host of geth, taking a good half an hour to take out because of their numbers. Finally through the enemies, Shepard, Katanya, and Wrex had finally reached the landing site. A few moments later, the Normandy came sweeping through and landed. Kaidan and another crew member of the Normandy came carefully through the open cargo door with the makeshift bomb in their hands. Katanya had to physically restrain herself from running to Kaidan and flinging her arms around him, partly because he had a bomb in his hands and partly because the entire Normandy would be watching. However, she couldn't be able to seem to control her mouth. "Kaidan!" she yelled across the landing site. He didn't look over at her right away. Katanya waited until he had placed the bomb by the geothermal taps, and then he looked over at her. He, too, seemed to be restraining himself from running to her.

"Katanya," he called back to her. Katanya smiled. It was good to hear his voice and see that he was unharmed.

"Commander!" Ashley's voice was frantic over the comm. "Commander, they have us pinned down by the second AA tower. The captain's dead! We're taking heavy casualties! We need reinforcements!"

Shepard looked to Kaidan. Kaidan nodded at Shepard. "Go, help them! I'll need a few minutes to finish arming the bomb, anyway!"

Shepard nodded back at Kaidan and then looked to Katanya and Wrex. "Wrex, you stay here with Alenko and make sure nothing happens to that bomb." He turned to Liara, who was standing at the entrance to the Normandy's cargo bay. "Liara! You're coming with us!"

"Yes, Commander!" she called back as she began to run across the landing site and toward Katanya and Shepard.

Katanya shot a worried look at Kaidan as Liara continued to run toward them and Wrex took a spot by the bomb with his pistol. Kaidan merely nodded at her as to say 'Everything will be alright, I promise.' In that moment, she couldn't hold herself back from running at him. She haphazardly put her assault rifle in the holster on her back and flung her arms around him. "Kaidan...I'm scared," she said into his shoulder.

He pulled her face out of his shoulder and held it in between his hands, directly in front of his face. "Everything is going to be okay, Kat. Commander Shepard is going to help Ashley, and you're going to go with him, and then you will all return. Then I will enter the arming sequence on the bomb, we'll all climb aboard the Normandy, and we'll get out of here. I promise."

Kaidan thumbed away the few tears that were falling from Katanya's eyes. "Okay, okay. I hope you're right. In case I don't see you again-"

"Don't think like that. There's always a way out."

"But there might not be this time!" Katanya said firmly, placing her hands on Kaidan's face. They had stopped caring about the whole crew being around them a while ago. "In case there isn't..." Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, but Katanya wasn't hearing it. " _In case there isn't a way out this time_ , I want you to know something."

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"I love you."

Kaidan moved in and pressed his lips to Katanya's, hugging her close to him as their lips met in a frenzy of what might possibly be their last kiss. When they pulled apart, Kaidan said, "I love you too." He kissed her quickly one last time and released her face from his hands. "Now go, save Ashley. I'll be here waiting when you return with her and her salarian team."

Katanya nodded and reluctantly walked backward from Kaidan, wanting to commit his face to memory. Like she already hadn't. "Striker!" Shepard yelled. "We need to get moving!"

"Go," Kaidan mouthed. "I love you."

"I love you too," Katanya mouthed back, and then turned to run back to Shepard and Liara. She felt no remorse for keeping them waiting.

"We'll talk later," Shepard hissed. Katanya knew he was pissed off, but she found herself not caring at all. She had to tell Kaidan she loved him before she left him with a twenty-ton bomb. And it was reassuring to know that he felt the same way, although she had few doubts that he didn't.

The trio ran through to the other door, Katanya trying her hardest to not look back at Kaidan and keep herself focused on the task at hand. Ashley was under fire from more geth, and they needed to save her and the salarians with her before returning to the Normandy and getting the hell out of dodge, so to speak.

Not unexpectedly, there were a host of enemies through the opposite door. It had opened to reveal another breeding trench, this one infested with several krogan and geth each, two of those geth hoppers. Katanya and Liara targeted them while Shepard fired at the geth ground troops. Katanya took out her hopper first, then training her gun on the other that Liara was targeting. Katanya had managed to channel her worry for Kaidan's safety into motivation to complete this mission as fast as possible. Then the pair of girls focused their fire on the krogan seeming ready to charge at Shepard. Shepard himself ducked behind the wall for cover to recharge his shields, and Katanya and Liara were left to battle the charging krogan for the time being.

Katanya never remembered that there were other biotics on the Normandy besides Kaidan, so when Liara created a small mass effect field to lift one of the krogan in the air, Katanya was surprised, but shot at the airborne krogan nonetheless. Once all enemies had been defeated, Shepard, Katanya, and Liara made their way across the breeding trench and into an elevator.

The elevator emptied out onto an empty platform. The three walked across to the adjacent walkway leading to the second AA tower where Ashley was pinned down by the geth. Just then, Kaidan's frantic voice came across the comm. "Commander!" A huge geth ship flew overhead, looking to be heading in the direction of the bomb site.

"No," Katanya breathed, suddenly panicked again. If she believed in a god, she would have prayed to it right about now.

"What's going on over there, Alenko?" Shepard asked.

"It's the geth! They're swarming the bomb site!"

"Can you hold them off until we get there?"

"No, there's too many!" There was a pause. "I'm arming the bomb."

"Alenko, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off, Commander, no matter what."

Ashley's voice cut in over the comm. "Go save Alenko, Commander, we can hold off the geth until you get here!"

Kaidan then came back with a similar reply. "No, we'll be fine here! Go save Williams!"

Liara stood directly behind Shepard, Katanya a foot farther back. "It's your choice, Commander," Liara said.

Shepard stood with his arms on the rail for a moment, overlooking the rough water of the planet. Then he placed his fingers back over his comm radio. Katanya prayed he had made the right decision, which to her, was saving Kaidan. "Joker, get the Normandy over to the AA tower, and fast."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

"I'm sorry, Alenko, I had to make a choice," Shepard said solemnly.

"I understand, Commander." Katanya somehow knew those were the last words she was ever going to hear from him again. She had to restrain herself from drawing her assault rifle on Shepard even more than she had to restrain herself from running to Kaidan when he first walked off the Normandy with the bomb in his hands.

Shepard turned to Katanya and Liara. "We need to get to the AA tower. Let's move out."

Katanya saw Liara nod at Shepard, but she had no response. She stayed where she stood for a moment, before Liara took her wrist. Katanya looked up at the asari; her eyes were solemn, seemingly grieving for Katanya. "Now is not the time," she said simply and lightly tugged on Katanya's wrist. Katanya merely pulled her wrist from Liara's weak hold and walked forward, jogging slightly to catch up with Shepard a good few yards in front of them.

At the end of the walkway was another elevator. The three stepped inside and the elevator rose to the AA tower. Katanya could not believe that Shepard could do this to her. Forget the good of the crew, Kaidan was her best friend! And she loved him. The first man she had ever truly been in love with, and now she wasn't even going to be allowed time with him after the mission.

When the elevator opened, the sound of gunfire could be heard. The three held their weapons close and began to march on the attacking geth. With what seemed like renewed motivation, Shepard was picking off geth like flies on a corpse. Liara and Katanya were providing as much assistance as they could offer, helped especially by Liara's biotic abilities. When the last geth fell, there was something flying in from Katanya's peripheral vision. She merely thought it a bird, but when she, Shepard, and Liara tried to make it into the AA tower proper, they were stopped by a barrage of biotic attacks. These attacks forced all three squad members to duck behind the nearby crates for cover, and when the figure came closer, it was none other than Saren himself.

Saren stepped off his board and onto the ground. Shepard hid behind his cover and listened for any signs of combat. He heard none. "I'm impressed, Shepard," Saren remarked. "My geth were utterly convinced that the salarians were the real threat."

"What are you doing here?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"This is my base you infiltrated, Shepard. I wasn't just going to stand by while you and your salarians slaughtered all my geth and krogan and you planted a bomb in the center. I can't have you destroying my work."

"You betrayed the Council," Shepard said.

Saren seemed to laugh. "Are you going to start pointing out the obvious now, Shepard? I don't think that's necessary."

"Your ship is a Reaper."

"Weren't you just listening? I am certainly aware of this. If I wasn't, I would be even more ignorant than your species is, and that's saying something."

"Why are you working with it?" Shepard asked. _Why must you ask all these questions, Shepard?_  Katanya thought. _Why can't we just shoot him? Then I'd like to shoot you._

There was the sound of moving water; Saren must have started pacing or something. "I built this facility to do two things: One, to breed a krogan army, and two, to study the effects that Sovereign has on individuals. And I noticed something very interesting. There is a balance between how much control is exerted and how useful the subject remains."

"Indoctrination," Shepard said.

"Yes, exactly, Shepard."

"Together we can stop Sovereign. We don't have to submit to the Reapers. We can beat them!"

"I no longer believe that, Shepard," Saren said matter-of-factly. "The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join with them. Sovereign is a machine. It thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion."

"You were a Spectre." Shepard threw the words at Saren like they were supposed to mean something to him. "You swore to protect the galaxy. Then you broke that vow to save yourself."

"I'm not doing this for myself, don't you see? Sovereign will succeed. It is inevitable. My way is the only way any of us will survive. I'm forging an alliance between us and the Reapers, between organics and machines, and in doing so, I will save more lives than have ever existed." Saren stopped his pacing and turned toward where Shepard was taking cover behind a crate. "But you would undo my work. You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation, and for that, you must die." Saren stepped back onto his hover-platform and began firing attacks at Shepard's cover again. Every few minutes, Shepard popped out from behind the crate and fired continuously at Saren, dodging the few attacks that missed the crates he was hiding behind.

After what seemed like hours of fire, but was probably only a span of considerable minutes, Saren touched back down to the ground, stepped off his hover-platform and stormed toward Shepard. Saren threw down his assault rifle and picked Shepard up by the neck. He began to dangle Shepard over the edge of the geothermal taps, but something caught his attention. Whatever it was, it gave Shepard enough time to clock Saren in the chin, forcing him to drop Shepard into the shallow water. Both scrambled up, but Saren was quicker. He retreated to his hover-platform and climbed back on, flying quickly away. Shepard had his assault rifle trained on Saren as he flew away, but he never actually fired a shot at him. Finally, the Normandy came in overhead.

Shepard, Katanya, Liara, Ashley, Captain Kirrahe, and the remaining salarians there all climb aboard the Normandy. The second the door closes, the ship returns to flight and Joker is heard over the comm saying, "Hold tight, everyone. This is gonna be close."

Katanya sees Shepard watching out the window as the Normandy zooms away from the impending explosion. She races to the window next to Shepard, and watches in horror as the blast nearly misses the tail end of the Normandy and leaves a huge mushroom cloud in its wake. Try as she might, Katanya can't do anything to stop the hot tears cascading down her cheeks.

Katanya reluctantly joins Shepard, Ashley, Liara, Wrex, Tali, and Garrus in the comm room to discuss the outcome of the mission. She doesn't care that her face is red from crying already and that the occasional tear falls from an eye from time to time; she's just thinking that Shepard should be grateful she's even in the comm room with everyone. All she wants to do is run down to the cargo hold and hope the depth in the ship drowns out her sobs. But she had to hold it together, at least for the time being.

Ashley was sitting next to her, looking incredibly guilty. "Commander, you shouldn't have come for me. I would have been fine staying there -"

Commander Shepard cut her off. "I made a choice, Williams. You're a great soldier. And I'm sorry we lost Alenko. He was a great soldier as well."

Ashley nodded at Shepard. "Yes, Commander. I suppose I should thank you for saving my life, then."

Shepard nodded solemnly at her and then turned to the rest of the crew on his other side. "Commander?" It was Liara who had spoken up.

"Yes, Liara?" he answered.

"If you wouldn't mind, I think that I could help you try and make sense of those visions again."

"You mean joining our minds again." Liara nodded. Shepard stood up. "It's worth a shot."

Liara also stood and walked to the middle of the comm room where Shepard was standing. "Relax, Shepard," she said. "Embrace eternity!" Her eyes went black as her mind and Shepard's became one for a few brief moments. Under any other circumstance, Katanya would have wondered what either Shepard or Liara were seeing when this kind of thing happened. But right now, she merely wanted to cry herself to sleep, and stay asleep for days. She wasn't sure if she ever wanted to wake up.

Shepard and Liara became two minds again. After a few seconds, Shepard asked, "These visions still don't make much sense. Did you see anything?"

"I...I did," Liara answered. "Why yes. Yes, of course!" Liara seemed to be talking more to herself than to Shepard at this point.

"What is it?" Shepard asked.

"I recognize some of those places from my research. Ilos. The Conduit is on Ilos!"

"How do we get there?"

"Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, and that was lost many years ago. No one has been to any of the systems through the relay for many, many years."

"If no one has been there, then how come you recognize it?"

"I've seen pictures and artifacts from the planet. I recognize the pictures from my research. But it is as I said. Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, which has been lost for centuries."

"What if I told you I had the coordinates to the Mu Relay?" Shepard asked.

"Then we must go at once!"

"Not so fast, Liara. We need to go to the Council first and warn them of what Saren's planning."

"Of course, I...whoa. Excuse me, the joining is exhausting, to say the least. I think I need to lie down. Are we done here, Commander?"

"Yes. Crew, dismissed!"

Katanya was the first out of the room. She bolted out of the comm room, down the stairs and into the elevator that would take her down to the cargo hold. When she arrived, she walked into the large, empty space, leaned against a wall, and slumped down. Finally in the solitude she so desperately craved, she let everything go.

A new wave of fresh tears fell down her cheeks, compelled not by gravity, but by the constant flow of another tear behind the previous one. Water tracks were made across her reddening face, and she wished Kaidan were here to calm her down, but the mere thought of Kaidan only made her cry harder.

She would never see him again. She would never see his gold-brown eyes flicker with emotion whenever he saw her. She would never see those eyes be happy, sad, joyful, angry, or full of love ever again. Her eyes would never meet his again and feel so safe and at home in them. She would never hear his voice again. That mildly low tone with just a hint of a scratch to it. She would never hear him call her name again, never hear him whispering sweet nothings to her to make her feel better, never hear him call her stupid nicknames or telling stupid jokes to try and make her laugh when she was in a bad mood. She would never hear him tell her he loved her again.

That was the thought that broke her. Katanya fell sideways onto the cold metal of the ship's bay floor and closed her eyes. She let the tears flow freely from her eyes and down her cheeks and let the sobs and wails echo freely off the walls. She had lost the man that she loved more than anything in the world, and she hated herself for not admitting her love for him to herself or to him until the very last possible minute. She hated herself for not taking the initiative earlier than when Kaidan had asked what was wrong before they landed on Virmire.

 _It wasn't like I was supposed to know what was going to happen though_ , Katanya thought. _How was I to know that Commander Shepard had to make a choice between Ashley and Kaidan, and the one he didn't choose was going to be left behind to be blown up by a twenty-ton bomb made from a salarian drive core?_  She sat up again, the tears seeming to stop for the time being. Commander Shepard. He was the one to blame for this. She wanted to go find him and beat the shit out of him, but she didn't want other people to be around. Seeing that situation as unavoidable, she decided that she would wait until he found her. It had to happen at some point. "Kat?" She knew it wasn't going to be Kaidan, so why did she even think it was? The voice wasn't even a man's. Katanya looked up to see Ashley walking towards her. Katanya simply watched as the saved approached and sat down about a foot away from her. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Katanya sniffled and cringed at the sound of her own voice. It sounded muffled and stuffy, her nose being clogged from the immense amount of crying she had just been doing, but there was a hint of a scratch in it as well. It reminded her of the way Kaidan's voice sounded. She tried hard to not break down crying again and actually hold a conversation with Ashley.

"Being the one that Shepard chose to save."

"Don't."

Ashley took in a breath and leaned forward on her bent knees. "You're right. I wasn't the one with the choice. It was Shepard, and he's the one you should be mad at."

"I was never mad at you, Ashley. I'm mad at Shepard. I'm fucking furious at Shepard. You don't know how badly I had to restrain myself from throwing Shepard off the ship when we were escaping Virmire in the Normandy. I want to tear him to pieces with my bare hands. I want to rip his heart out and show him how black it is."

"Don't be overdramatic, Kat," Ashley said, sitting up from her knees and making no effort to hide the scorn in her voice.

"I'm not being overdramatic, Ashley! Kaidan was my best friend! I loved him! And Shepard took that away from me!"

"Then you should take this up with him, not me. I'm not going to be your personal punching bag." And with that, Ashley stood up with a blank look on her face and walked into the elevator that would take her back up to the lower deck. A few minutes later, Shepard himself stepped out of the elevator and toward Katanya.

She glared at him with every step he took toward her. He didn't sit down across from her like Ashley did. She didn't expect him to. Katanya had to crane her neck upward to look Shepard in the face. "Lieutenant," he said.

"What are you doing here?" Katanya asked roughly.

"I was waiting for Chief Williams to soften you up a bit, honestly." His face was clear for a second before returning to the heavy look he was wearing when he walked in.

"How'd that work out for you?" Katanya's voice was bitter, and unashamedly so.

"It doesn't seem to be working well so far," Shepard said, dropping all pretenses of trying to make her feel better. "Listen, Striker, I -"

"How about you listen, Commander?" She used his title as an insult, or at least she meant it to be one. "I know you were pissed about my little "display" on Virmire. But I don't care. I saw that as the only and last opportunity to let Kaidan know how I really felt about him. Sure, he was my best friend, but I had seen him as more than that for quite a while, and it was time he knew the whole story. We might have had a confession of feelings in the med bay before we got the call from you about Virmire, but this was literally a life and death situation. I knew it was very possible that I was never going to see Kaidan again, and I didn't want to look back on that mission and be kicking myself for the rest of my life because I didn't tell Kaidan how I really felt about him, so I seized the opportunity to tell him." Katanya paused to sniffle and take a breath in before continuing. Before she could, though, Shepard sat down against the metal wall next to her. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Sitting down. Do you have a problem with that, Lieutenant?" Shepard returned.

"In fact I do, Commander. You're too close for comfort right now."

Shepard inched away from her, moving a total of what was probably three inches. "Better?" Katanya merely scowled at him. A few moments later, Shepard said, "I know how horrible you're feeling right now."

Katanya whipped her head to the side to glare at him again, her green eyes blazing with hatred, or at least, what she hoped came off as hatred. "Have you ever been in love, Commander?"

Shepard chuckled humorlessly. "No, Lieutenant."

"Then you can't possibly even imagine how I feel right now, so shut up." She turned her head back to the wall.

"Watch yourself, Striker. I'm still your commanding officer."

"Like I give a rat's ass."

"You're still on the Normandy, Lieutenant. There are still regs, no matter where you hide to cry, and I expect you follow them at all times."

Katanya looked back over at Shepard, a look of 'Does it look like I fucking care?' clear on her face. "And what will you do if I don't, Commander?" She was using his title to try and insult him again.

"Throw you off the ship," Shepard answered seriously.

"Sounds a little extreme, Shepard."

"You'll be reassigned to another ship at some point. Until then, you'll be scavenging in the Citadel."

"The Citadel's a nice place. Wouldn't mind spending some shore leave there to really explore the place. It was one thing Kaidan and I said we would do." Fresh tears fell from Katanya's eyes and down the water tracks on her cheeks as she mentioned that.

"Well perhaps you can finally explore the place. Do it in memory of him." Shepard stood up, brushing himself off. He walked back around to where he had originally stood upon entering, directly in front of Katanya. "I hope you know, Striker, that it wasn't an easy choice for me to make. But it was one good soldier over the other, and I had to make a choice, and quickly. I hope this doesn't affect your future assignments." Shepard began to walk back to the elevator that would take him back to the lower deck, but stopped a few feet before it. "Oh, and Striker?"

Katanya sighed a small sigh and looked over at him. "What?"

"If you're leaving the Normandy, then you might want to say your goodbyes. I told Joker to head there before I came down to talk to you. I know there are some people here who will certainly want to see you off." Then Shepard disappeared up the elevator, and Katanya was thankful he was gone.

Even when she didn't think she had any tears left in her, they still continued to fall. When she was sure no more tears were coming was when she would leave the cargo bay and say her goodbyes. She didn't want everyone's last memory of her to be a crying wreck, although it wasn't undeserved. "I'm sorry, Kaidan," she whispered to the emptiness of the bay. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, and I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner." Katanya had to fight back another wave of tears to coherently say one last sentence. "I love you." Then her head fell into her bent knees as she gave herself over to another wave of tears.

_There will never be another like him._

**Author's Note:**

> So since I have a new obsession with the Mass Effect fandom (and I will admit that I'm terrible and haven't even played all the way through the first game yet), I decided to write a fic. But since I had no idea what to write or where to start, I looked for ones to read first. And I found one that I just knew I could write an inspired one from. So this was it. I do hope the original author of the original fic sees this. I thank him/her for my inspiration. :3
> 
> I also wanted to note that the events that happened on Virmire here were the way that I played through the planet's mission, and I made extensive use of the Mass Effect wiki to make sure I have names and details of events as relevant as possible. I've also pulled Captain Kirrahe's speech, the interaction with Sovereign, and the latter half of Shepard's conversation with Saren directly from the video game.


End file.
